Yes, I know this is supposed to be a political blog, but sometimes I just don’t feel like talking about politics (those times are rare but they do occur). Today is one of those days. I have been alternating between writing a paper on minimizing overtime on large construction projects and reading the news and frankly I am just about out of serious thinking juice. Additionally, this blog has started to take itself a little too seriously and damnit its time to have some fun for a change. So don’t take this one too seriously because its not meant to be. If you disagree with the below points, feel free to chime in but you have to do it in a humorous tongue-in-cheek manner!!!
After nearly twenty wonderful years of marriage, I feel I would be remiss if I did not pass along at least a little of what I have learned about how to keep a marriage together. I have to admit though that I am not entirely sure I actually learned these things or if they were, in fact, subtly transferred into my head via a rolling pin and skillet. Okay, just kidding, my wife doesn’t beat me. At least not as much anymore. So, over the next few posts in this category, I will attempt to impart a little wisdom to those of you who either are not yet married, newly married, or simply want to take delight in me relating how stupid I am and how hard it has been to learn these lessons.
First we need to dispel a few marriage advice myths.
The first of these myths is the one that most of you have heard many times and may actually believe. This one is so blatantly stupid, I can’t believe we even need to discuss it, but here it goes.
Marriage Advice Myth #1 – Marry Someone who enjoys the same things you enjoy.
What idiot ever thought this one up? I truly believe he was either delusional or enjoyed practical jokes. And this one is a doozy of a joke. Lets explore the implications of this if indeed one were to try to follow it. Guys, I want you to imagine that you have just found the “perfect” woman. She is gorgeous and smart (but not smarter than you). She loves football, beer and all the outdoor sports that you love, and to top it all off she even gets along with your mom!
Sounds great doesn’t she? Yeah, for about a year or two. At first its great. You get to watch all the games on Sunday, she likes the same beer as you so Christmas shopping is easy, and you always have a fishing buddy. At some point though, you are gonna want to go to your “Man Cave”. What’s that you say? Oh that’s right, you don’t have a Man Cave! You have a den with his and hers Green Bay Packers recliners and matching footstools. Well thats okay, how about you go enjoy some quality belchin’, fartin’, beer dirnkin’, chili eatin’ alone time at your shack on the lake? Guess who is coming along and cooking the chili? After a few years of this, you will have to start taking pastry classes just to be able to get some “Me” time.
For you ladies, the above does not apply. Believe it or not, there are women out there that enjoy all those man-things we love so much. If you gals manage to find a guy though that likes all the stuff you like, he is already taken by a guy that likes all the stuff he likes.
So guys, find a gal that only likes one, maybe two of the things you like. Ideally, she should share your fondness for fine microbrew beers because the only real men who should know how to make the perfect cosmopolitan get paid to do that sort of thing. If you really need to have two things in common, I recommend off road racing. Like it or not, they really are better drivers than us, and every girl loves a big truck anyway, right?
Disclaimer: In the unlikely event that my wife actually reads this blog, the above opinions in no way reflect the actual opinions of the author and should in now way be interpreted as reality. I love spending time with my wife and honey, I will never stop perfecting my cosmopolitan recipe. I have actually grown quite fond of them over the years.
Rich
One Comment
Loves it! That is so perfect and true.
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